I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Houston, we have a blender
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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