Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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