your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
