i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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