Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
