I murdered the dance floor call the cops
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
