He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
