Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
