btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
