mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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