It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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