If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize