I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
