Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
