im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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