I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize