She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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