I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
