Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
