i just google imaged poop.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
