I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
