just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
