Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
