What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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