My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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