Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
