Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
