I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
