Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
