I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
