I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
