My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
