who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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