I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize