chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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