fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
