$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
