so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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