i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
