do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
im on a boat
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