I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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