Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
