Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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