and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
MIDGETS
????
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize