glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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