the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
