A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
