i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize