Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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