You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
