oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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