I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
