You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
