I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
