My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize