I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
