You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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