I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
