i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
