I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize