So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
