no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
