I am puke
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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