we're chasing vodka with high fives
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
