What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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