i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
