She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
