My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
