party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
