that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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