dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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