So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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