So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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