it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
