Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
