you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
