So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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