when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
